How fast can you bounce?
Monday, November 27, 2006
I've often wondered if there are other people like me out there. When I perceived someone to rain criticisms and blame on me, I get mad, I get hurt, and I get angry. It's hard for me to bounce back and become lovey-dovey again.
For example, today, my husband and I had a plan. This plan was pushed off, first because he was sleeping. I have no objections, he worked late, and I wanted him to sleep. Second off, my child has a tutoring appointment at noon, so we couldn't leave til after that. Then I forgot to get my act together on some bills, and today or rather yesterday was the deadline. I had to delay another 20 minutes while I try to find out which bank account I can write the payment on.
Anyway, by now, my husband was mad the all these delays. I have to change my two babies, make sure to have their bottles ready, diapers and drinks for me. I promptly forgot the last two. I was sooo thirsty, but I couldn't possibly run in inside and delay some more.
Then the lecture starts. It sounds like a lecture. The kind where you don't want to hear, but know that you have to anyway because if you object, there's this potential for a bigger blow-up.
So you sit there and listen and fume. Fumed, I say, because it's not that you planned to make someone late. It just happened.
Then I started hearing new rules and edicts. It might not supposed to be that, but it was this short of an order.
No more other appointments on the day we have this thing. No more delays, no more anything, excepting of course if HE needs sleep and he must delay. OK. Sounds good. The way I understand it was, no one better get sick on "those day" or you're SOL. HE decreed!
Of course he'll object to my calling it "decree" but it sounds like it.
Here I was, out of breath for cleaning a house, which I am told does not need cleaning.
Tell me, if the floor is filled with spilled juice, dried up food, tables and sticky with drying sugars, utensils scatter hither and yon, dirty diapers all over, dirty clothes all over, shoes strewn across kingdom come, dirty plates on sink, piling laundry everywhere...
kindly tell me who is among sane woman will not take this as time to clean. I fucking clean the house all morning, most of it holding a 20+-pound baby in one arm, serving breakfast and whatnot to a two year old, and mopping floors, picking up dirty-anything anywhere.
I wasn't expecting help. I just want to NOT get a lecture after, and get blamed for delaying the outing. That's all.
I know it's unreasonable of me, but it's all I want.
And if it takes me an hour because I can be bouncy-happy, don't take it against me. It takes all of my self-control not to let out a rant of my own.
I sorely regret ever expressing my discontent and fears. I think I know how things should go. I can only be my happy self.
For example, today, my husband and I had a plan. This plan was pushed off, first because he was sleeping. I have no objections, he worked late, and I wanted him to sleep. Second off, my child has a tutoring appointment at noon, so we couldn't leave til after that. Then I forgot to get my act together on some bills, and today or rather yesterday was the deadline. I had to delay another 20 minutes while I try to find out which bank account I can write the payment on.
Anyway, by now, my husband was mad the all these delays. I have to change my two babies, make sure to have their bottles ready, diapers and drinks for me. I promptly forgot the last two. I was sooo thirsty, but I couldn't possibly run in inside and delay some more.
Then the lecture starts. It sounds like a lecture. The kind where you don't want to hear, but know that you have to anyway because if you object, there's this potential for a bigger blow-up.
So you sit there and listen and fume. Fumed, I say, because it's not that you planned to make someone late. It just happened.
Then I started hearing new rules and edicts. It might not supposed to be that, but it was this short of an order.
No more other appointments on the day we have this thing. No more delays, no more anything, excepting of course if HE needs sleep and he must delay. OK. Sounds good. The way I understand it was, no one better get sick on "those day" or you're SOL. HE decreed!
Of course he'll object to my calling it "decree" but it sounds like it.
Here I was, out of breath for cleaning a house, which I am told does not need cleaning.
Tell me, if the floor is filled with spilled juice, dried up food, tables and sticky with drying sugars, utensils scatter hither and yon, dirty diapers all over, dirty clothes all over, shoes strewn across kingdom come, dirty plates on sink, piling laundry everywhere...
kindly tell me who is among sane woman will not take this as time to clean. I fucking clean the house all morning, most of it holding a 20+-pound baby in one arm, serving breakfast and whatnot to a two year old, and mopping floors, picking up dirty-anything anywhere.
I wasn't expecting help. I just want to NOT get a lecture after, and get blamed for delaying the outing. That's all.
I know it's unreasonable of me, but it's all I want.
And if it takes me an hour because I can be bouncy-happy, don't take it against me. It takes all of my self-control not to let out a rant of my own.
I sorely regret ever expressing my discontent and fears. I think I know how things should go. I can only be my happy self.
Labels: rant
posted by Book Worm at 10:31:00 PM, | 
2 Comments:
Nope, I don't usually run late, though I procrastinate a lot.
My husband is not overbearing nor controlling, and he bend over backwards to make sure he never come across as such. Just that I guess he rans out of patient from time to time...especially if he's stressed somewhere else.
I tend to only write here when I am mad at something. :)
My husband is not overbearing nor controlling, and he bend over backwards to make sure he never come across as such. Just that I guess he rans out of patient from time to time...especially if he's stressed somewhere else.
I tend to only write here when I am mad at something. :)
Women who are late and leave tasks to the last minute to finish up, often have overbearing, controlling husbands, and this is a way to maintain a tiny bit of control.
Now, this is only the 3rd entry of yours I've read, so I'm probably overstepping here, but you asked the question.