Dark and Twisted Ink

I am tired of holding a bag of shit every single fucking time my little sister change husbands. The first one, I have to live with the drama for three or four years, and plunk my own retirement money of twenty grand. I know I am supposed to think of it as money well-spent.

Actually, it's blood money. It's torture money. It's money I used to save her child, who grew up to abuse and torture my children. I know one shouldn't see evil in a child, but I assure you that this one is very good at mind-games and excellent at making all of my children cry. Every day. Every time he's around them.

Then my little sister went and got another husband. This one loves to grab her arms, and screams at her sons ears. After four years, he kicked him out, and what do I get? I lost a renter, I lost a worker. Abuse is wrong. It's wrong when a child does it to another and it's wrong when a husband does it to his wife. It's great that he finally kicked the abusive fuck. Really.

But do I get off scott-free? Oh no! That would be too good. Now, I have to immediately fill a position which my sister used to do. She knows very well that my livelihood and business depends on it, but who gives a shit.

I am done with family. Nothing can screw you over like a family can, and it makes you angrier because it shouldn't happen. Aren't family supposed to love each other?

If you could go back in time and choose your career, what would it be?

Go here if you want to join.
Fodder topic posted by Heather.

I have missed four fodders. Will make up for it later.

Hindsight is often 20/20. That's really true for most people but not for me. I'd still be dithering like I always am when it comes to career and I. It has to do with not wanting to word regular hours. I want to be able to dictate when to work, and when not to.

Most careers, in order to be successful at it, requires focus and sacrifice. Having to put in 40 hours a week on a regular basis is already a sacrifice. No matter how much you love something, doing it 40 hours a week, every week for 52 weeks a year, every single year...think about it. Who loves anything that much?

Wouldn't boredom set in at some point? I initially set out to have a career in medical field. Travelling nurse to be exact. Then someone kept comparing me to my cousin who's studying to be a doctor. I so hate being compared to any one, especially if on comparison, I was found wanting!

So, two years before I could get my nursing degree (Bachelors of Science), I switch to pre-med. Not just any pre-med, but a double degree in chemistry and biochemistry. I got my BS in Chem/Bioch, applied to med school, and then forgot all about it when I found out that I would rather stay home, raise my kids, and read my books.

That's what I did. That's my career and if I have to do it all over again, I'd get there much faster. No accomplishment on this world is ever worth much if one failed at raising their kids.

Motherhood is a worthy career. Of course, there's not enough to do being a full-time Mother, so I created a home-base business so I could be a "worker" when my motherhood schedule allows me too.

Labels: Blog Fodder

I think I can understand now why people say an artist cannot paint with some depth until they've lived their lives.

It has to do with emotions. I noticed that I can write so much better if I feel something. Anger, lust, or disappointment. If I am in a neutral ground, I feel to content to really put much effort into writing.

There's no conflict, no regret, and much more, nothing to gripe about.

I also know that if I keep thinking this way, there's never going to be a complete book. Even if there is, do I really want to be a ranting, lusting ball of emotion? That's a long way from chapter 1 to epilogue. I surely would not want to be living in emotion for that lenght of time.

Labels: notes